A year ago…  I lay in bed with my husband trying to hold back the tears.  It wasn’t working.  Life was just not turning out like I had thought it would. There is pain in every part, disappointment in each space that makes up the whole of my existence… my calling, life as a mother, aspects of my marriage, now in my choice of a home. I had met with my spiritual director that day… a place of honesty where everything was laid bare and I left raw. She invited me to sit with what is… what is…   What is, is the deep disappointments I carry in life. As I sit with them I feel them strangling the very breath out of me.

As we lay there, my husband asks, “Well did you feel like your appointment was helpful? Did you sense anything from God?” It doesn’t take me long to respond, “No, actually God felt kind of absent.” And then I add, because I have been thinking it all day, “I am feeling kind of done with the promises of God right now.” What do you say in response to that… he says nothing. He just holds me. Good man.

Have you ever felt done with the promises of God? Tired of hearing or convincing yourself that God will be good to you, that He will come through, that He will show up. But as far as you can tell, you don’t feel like He has done much. You. Can’t. See. It.  And so, you are tired.

I don’t know about you, but I have been hanging on for a looooong time… holding out hope that God has been working in this mess I call my life, in the places where dreams have been shattered, in the hopes that have ended up crushed.  Years and years have passed and to be honest, my faith is wearing thin.

I don’t really want to hear God whisper the words “Trust me” one more time.

The promises where God will show Himself to be faithful, that God makes good out of all things… it isn’t ringing true right now. And I have finally gotten to the point where I am tired of holding out hope. I am tired of yet one more place in my life where the disappointment and pain is suffocating the life out of me.   So, yeah, I am to the point where I am done with the promises of God right now…

It was hard to get up that next morning. Sleep has been my medication to numb the pain, so I fight becoming conscious of my world that is not what I had hoped it would be. If I didn’t have my three little ones needing me, I might just stay there all day. But they, if nothing else, pull me from the drug of sleep that helps to numb the reality of my life.

I decided to drive my girls to school that day, not my normal routine, but, in my depressed state I failed to get forms in that were due the day before. So I drive to school in hopes of pleading with the teacher to accept them. Not only do I feel like life – God – is failing me, but now I am failing at the one job I have, being a mom.

As we drive I turn on the radio… and the words begin to pour out…

I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding

And then another…

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

And another…

There is power in the name of Jesus
There is power in the name of Jesus
There is power in the name of Jesus

 To break every chain
Break every chain
Break every chain

The promises come flowing out. This is going to be a glorious unfolding (Romans 8:18-25)… every tear I have cried God holds in his hands (Psalm 56:8)… There is power in the name of Jesus to overcome everything life has to throw at us (Romans 8:31-38, John 14:13-14)…

And I hear this voice in my heart say, “You may be done with the promises of God, my child, but the promises of God are not done with you.”

I have been sitting with these words of hope for a year… thinking them over… holding to them even as they hold me…

Maybe when we are too weary and don’t have the strength to hold on to the promises of God, God is holding us to them.  Maybe His promises claim us whether we can claim them in that moment or not!  Maybe His grip on us is stronger than any grasp we can have on Him.

“You may feel done with the promises of God right now, but the promises of God are not done with you.” And there is a glimmer of HOPE that rises up… when I am struggling to hold on… I am being held to truth, to hope, to promises bigger than myself.

And Jesus said, “Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go.”
John 6:37 The Message

You may be feel done with the promises of God right now, but the promises of God are not done… are never done with you.

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Promises of God that Hold on To Us

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.

 Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Matthew 28:20
And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

John 6:37 (The Message)
And Jesus said, “Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go.”